A Servant's Heart

I don't know about anyone else, but it's hard to be a servant. No matter who you are, YOU are a servant. We all serve one another. We all have someone we have to answer to. I am to be a servant of Jesus Christ. I strive to be a good servant. To be honest, its hard sometimes. I have goals and dreams I would like to see fulfilled, but I have noticed that I get SO focused on them, I lose energy to serve in the here and now. In 2011, I was so consumed with a desire to have another child, I'm ashamed to admit the number of opportunities I have passed up to fulfill my servant's duties to my Savior. All because I was so consumed with desire to have another child. Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting more children, but I realize now that it can become such a weight, that I can fail as a faithful servant. Also, His word is full of promises to people in such a situation as I found myself if only I would have clung to those promises, waited on Him and TRUSTED! I look back now and see my life was so full of mistrust, I cry over it! Tears are in my eyes even now because my heart is breaking over the many times I am sure my Master has been disappointed in me over my lack of faith and TRUST! I am so thankful for His mercy! What would I do without His mercy? I finally let go and told my Master at the end of the year that I was done worrying about it, and would not pray over it anymore. And I was! For about a month, I never mentioned it, although I still shed tears a time or two. I was ready to move on. Until one day, I was at Wal-mart, and I was walking past the baby department! Normally, I would rush right on by because seeing all that stuff broke my heart anew and it was everything I could do to keep from breaking down right in the store! But, about three weeks ago, while I was walking past, I felt the Lord SOOOOOOO strongly, felt Him impress me to go over to the baby socks and buy two pairs of socks, and pray over them! People may think I'm crazy and it really is taking a big step in saying this, but I felt Him so strong that day, and what a PEACE!!! I can't explain it! I don't know when or how it will happen, but I know He knows my heart! I am currently making a baby blanket, too! :) I know He hears me, and loves me, so I don't have to worry. And I'm not going to. I don't want to ruin this year by missing my opportunities to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish ten years ago! I'm leaving my dreams in His hands, believing He will take care of it! I want to be a good and faithful servant! Is it really so hard to be a servant to Him, when He's done so much for me? I think the answer is obvious.