Catching Up

Wow! It's been a while since I've been on here! We've been extremely busy with home school, Darren graduating from Ivy Tech (YEAH!), spring cleaning and everything else! I'm ready for a break, but I don't see one in sight yet!

A while back, a preacher had prophesied to me that there are many storms. He used the word "are" as if to say "right now", but I knew it wasn't "right now", but that it was in the future, whether sooner or later, I did not know, but I knew I was going to have to get a bulldog grip on God, if I was going to pull through. The man of God also said that I would need to walk by faith and not by feeling during those storms. Well, I thought I had a strong enough grip, but not long after the storms started coming did I realize I didn't have as strong a grip as I thought. In fact, I felt like I had lost ALL grip. I'm only now realizing that, although I feel like I've lost grip on Him and felt like a failure in the process, He never lost His grip on me. Talk about truly losing control of life! If there is one thing I've learned in the recent weeks, it's that God TRULY is in control of our lives and there will be times when we will have NO control and there is nothing we can do about it but stand still and let God do His work. There have been a couple of times I've even looked at Darren and said, "I've been saved for over 20 years and I've had some rough battles and fierce storms, but never had I felt like I was capable of losing faith in God over it. Somehow my faith sustained me and I was still able to trust in the middle of it all, but now, after all these years of being saved, you would think I would NEVER feel the way I'm feeling right now!" My faith in God, my trust in Him, my hope in His promises, were all shaken and honestly, I shied away from singing songs that talked about healing, that talked about how He keeps His promises! To my shame, I know, but I was so shaken, I didn't know for sure what I believed! I knew what my head was telling me and that someday I might pull out of it, but my heart REFUSED to believe anymore! Talk about losing grip, but thankfully God understood my anxieties and fears, my questions and my doubts and kept His grip on me when I felt like I had lost it ALL! He's spoken to me in dreams to comfort me and let me know that HE will STILL get glory in my life and He has a plan and that it will all work out! I don't know what God has up His sleeve, but one thing I know. He has never failed me. He is God alone. Even though I feel shaken to the core and wonder if I will survive the storm, He is NOT shaken. He has all things in control and I must surrender my will and what I want done to Him and let Him have complete control. I don't know what all the outcome will be, but I know He loves me!

 This is my sweetheart! He graduated on Saturday, May 5, 2012, from Ivy Tech Community College with an Associate Degree in Education. I'm so proud of him! I love him!

 And this is his happy and proud family! I hate having my picture taken! I can't believe people actually have to look at me like that! LOL! Of course, my little girl is beautiful! She's photogenic! Darren looks handsome

 ~ in his gown! ~

This past week, Darren and I celebrated being a couple for nine years! I remember a couple of weeks before I met him, I had a grandpa in the hospital hanging onto life and we got the call (I was at work) to come to the hospital because he was slipping away and I remember crying on the way to the hospital, talking to the Lord, telling Him that I hated going through something like this because I didn't have anyone. I had never lost anyone close to me before and I was finding it difficult to go through it alone. I told the Lord I wish I had someone to share the hurt with me, and be there for me. I got to the hospital and it looked bad for a while, but he stabilized! I was able to go home and Papa held on for days. The next weekend, a friend and I went to Bro. David Miller's meeting he has at the end of April and there I met Darren and we started talking. A week later, he came down and we went to a gym where the graduation banquet attendees were gathering and we had a wonderful time! About 4:30 in the morning, we left and made our way to the church, where Darren was staying and dropped him off. I had a couple of girls with me, and before we left, Darren handed me a letter to read. At the end of that letter, he asked if I would be his girlfriend! I thought it was so sweet. It made me think of being an elementary school kid! LOL! So, of course, I said YES! That was probably close to 5am, maybe. Me and the girls headed on home and I had no more gotten home and settled into bed, when the phone rang. It was the call I dreaded. My papa had passed away just a few minutes before. (This is making me cry...) I sat on the side of my bed in shock, and all I could think of was that God had given me my hearts' desire, giving me someone to share my grief with, just minutes before Papa passed away. Ever since then, Darren has been my shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, love, my reason to live. I know this is probably getting mushy to you all, but I stand in awe of God's goodness. He knows how to provide anchors in our lives. Darren is my anchor, given to me by God. Jesus is my ultimate anchor, but I am also thankful for the anchor he's given me in Darren. Moriah is icing on the cake. :) I love my family.

And I better quit now. Sorry for a long blog. Haven't been on here for a while and making up for lost time. I'm listening to the song "I Trust You" by James Fortune. It's beautiful. God bless you, my friends.

~Jennifer~